


Feelings Flash Before My Eyes

by boredomsMuse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Death, Gen, Infinity War, Parent Tony, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 22:13:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16457993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredomsMuse/pseuds/boredomsMuse
Summary: Peter knows he's going to turn to ash, knows he's going to leave Tony alone.  As his death approaches, he thinks of all the times he's almost lost Tony.





	Feelings Flash Before My Eyes

Peter remembers the first time Tony went missing. 

He’d been surprised but excited when he was told to head to the office with his bag.  Peter figured he was going home early for some reason, and what eight-year-old didn’t love leaving school early?  His excitement died when he saw Uncle Ben’s face.  Gone was the usual smile, the happy crinkles by his eyes.  Instead he looked grim, eyes sad and expression serious.  Peter’s own smile dropped.

“I tell you when we get home.”  Was all Uncle Ben had said when he asked what happened.  The pit in Peter’s stomach only grew as Uncle Ben drove them straight to his papa’s house.  Even if his papa wasn’t on a business trip, Peter knew they weren’t meant to do that. 

Aunt May and Pepper were waiting for them in the kitchen, faces just as grim as Uncle Ben’s.  Maybe they were just going to say dad’s trip was going to take extra-long?  Except that’d happened before, and they never acted like this.

No, the only time he’d seen adults like this was when they told him his parents weren’t coming home. 

“Is papa okay?”  He asked, hopefully, desperately.  Papa had to be okay.  He promised Peter everything would be fine, and that he’d be back in time for Peter’s birthday.  The adults looked at each other, having one of those silent conversations he always hated.  Finally, Aunt May took a step closer and knelt so they were the same height.

“Tony’s missing Peter.”  She said softly, in the exact same tone she used to tell him there’d been an accident.  Peter felt his heart shattering in his chest, the tears starting to pool in his eyes, but he tried desperately not to let him overwhelm him. 

“But you’ll find him, right?”  He asked.  Above him he heard Uncle Ben make a broke noise, he was never as strong as his wife when it came to these moments. 

“We’re going to try.”  She promised, pulling Peter into a tight hug as the young boy began to sob.

 

Peter remembers the day Tony came home too.

There’s no way to describe the relief that flooded him when he saw his father.  Peter had run to him, words blending together as he sobbed into Tony’s chest, clinging to him.  There was metal in his papa’s chest now, but Peter didn’t care.  All that mattered was that his papa was home and Peter never wanted to lose him again. 

“Don’t worry Peter, you won’t.  I promise.”  Tony had told him when Peter said as much.

Except it seemed the Afghanistan trip was only the start.  Uncle Obi, poisoning, the supervillain of the week.  Tony kept as much of it as he could from Peter, and for the most part he managed it.  It was years before Peter knew how many times he almost lost Tony.

But even Tony couldn’t hide what happened with New York.  There was just no pushing that under the rug.  Peter’s school was evacuated to a shelter on the outskirts of the city, one with tvs and live footage of the fight going on outside.  He stood with the crowds, watching with wide-eyes as his papa took down monster after monster.

As his papa grabbed a _literal_ bomb and started towards a _literal_ wormhole.

Peter’s heart stopped in his chest.  He didn’t register his phone ringing, he didn’t register answering it, he definitely didn’t register the fact he had a ten-year-old secret to keep.  All that mattered was his papa’s voice on the other side of the phone.

“I need you to look away from the screen Peter.  Just focus on my voice for a little bit.” 

“Papa please, please papa I need you.  Please don’t go.  Don’t leave me.”  Peter begged, his knees feeling weak and his words broken up with sobs.

“Peter listen to me, okay?  We’re not talking about that right now.  We’re talking about how much I love you, which is more than you can ever imagine I promise you.  And we’re talking about how proud I am, I am so proud.  I love you so much buddy, I’m so sorry this is happening.  But I promise you you’re not going to be alone, okay?  Can you tell me you love me buddy, please?”  He didn’t want to, he wanted to scream at Tony to stay.  To find some other way.

But the last thing he’d ever done, because his mum and dad had gotten on that plane, was yell at them.  This time he didn’t want that to be the last thing he doesn’t.

“I love you papa.”  He said, trying to force the panic done.  It didn’t work much.  “You’re the best, you know?  I’m so glad you’re my papa.”

“Thanks Pete.  I-“  The phone cut out and Peter broke down. 

Someone screamed that Iron Man had made it, that the Hulk had caught him, but Peter didn’t hear it.  He didn’t believe his dad was really still alive until he saw him again.  After that Peter slept in Tony’s room for a month.

 

Peter remembers the ‘Civil War’.  He remembers wanting to prove himself now that his papa knew his identity.  When Tony sent him to the bench he thought he’d failed, thought Tony was going to make him stop.

Then he saw Uncle Rhodey.

Tony had stressed that this wouldn’t be a real fight.  It was just an argument.  A superhuman argument, where they’d fight until they were too exhausted to and then they’d talk it out.

Except Uncle Rhodey was injured.  Probably permanently so.  Tony had benched Peter because it was actually dangerous now.

So why was papa going off to _help_ them?  Peter knew the answer, but that didn’t mean he liked the idea of it.  He spent the next serval hours pacing, waiting to hear from his father, getting updates from FRIDAY as regularly as possible.

When FRIDAY stopped talking Peter knew something was wrong.  It didn’t take much to convince Pepper to go to his last known location.

He screamed when he saw Tony laying mostly dead in the snow.  Looking so much like Uncle Ben, feeling so cold to the touch. 

Peter never left his side at the hospital.

 

He’s part of the half that won’t make it, Peter knows it.  He’s about to die.  The thought brings more than a little fear, but more than that it brings those memories back.  The moments he almost lost his papa, the times he was sure Tony was dead.

Peter doesn’t want Tony to feel the way he did in those moments.  Not about him, not here so far from home.  He’s sure it’ll be temporary, but he doesn’t know if Tony’s figured that out yet and he knows that won’t make it easier anyway. 

“I don’t want to go.”  Peter doesn’t mean to say that.  He means to say something that’ll help, but he can’t think of anything.  Can only think about how he doesn’t want this to happen.  “I’m sorry.  Papa.  Papa I don’t want to go.”  He manages as his knees buckle and Tony’s holding him and he looks so scared and Peter doesn’t want to do this to him but he can’t stop it. 

“I’m sorry.  I lov-” 

 

He doesn’t get to finish the sentence. 


End file.
